Dearest Everett -Pregnant

Dearest Everett,
I wanted to be a mama for as long as I can remember. The fierce desire for a baby came shortly after I married your daddy in 2008. Several years and buckets of tears later, we found out that I was pregnant! What a joyous day that was. That is another story for another time.

Carrying you was a dream come true!

I finally got to realize my fantasy of waking up nauseated, every day. It was a sign that things were progressing as they should. I knew that you would be worth any amount of sacrifice or challenges on my part to get you here. Even the heartburn. I took lots of naps! I went to work, but some days I had to take a nap in my office. I had a happy, healthy pregnancy. Mostly I felt good, and I relished each moment, thinking about your development and praying for your wellbeing as my body changed and made room for you. I sent your grandparents an update each week, comparing your size to a fruit or vegetable.

I loved the roundness of my belly and the thrill of feeling your fluttery kicks. I will never forget the look on your daddy's face when he felt you move for the first time. I loved preparing a nursery for you, going to dr's appointments to check on you, attending prep classes with your daddy, and celebrating your pending arrival with family and friends. Before and after your birth, you were truly showered with love from friends and strangers alike. I was overwhelmed with the amount of support and positive energy from those around me. I loved the whole experience, and I'm so grateful that I had the opportunity to be a part of the miraculous process of creation.

Following is a letter I wrote to you when you were very, very tiny inside of me.

There you are! (the circle is the yolk sac)

8/13/13 (7 weeks pregnant)

Dearest Baby,

Today, your daddy and I saw you for the very first time. Your little heart was beating so fast on that screen. You amaze me. You are really there. You are growing so fast already. Your daddy had the biggest smile on his face. 

After we left the clinic, we drove past the hospital where you will be welcomed into the world. And for the first time, I spoke to you, out loud, and I cried such happy tears. I hope that somewhere up above you heard those words. You have always been in my heart. I know you already. We love you so much. Thank you for choosing to come to us, to come to earth. We are not perfect, but we will love you always, no matter what, and do our best each day to help you remember and feel your Heavenly Father's love.

We have waited for you for so long. I guess you knew when it was the perfect time to come. We pray for you every day- that you will be healthy and strong, and safe inside of me.

I know you are growing. My body is working hard to help you grow! Some days I feel sick, or very very tired. Your daddy is superman. He is my hero, and I'm sure he will be yours. He works so hard every day. I've never seen him so busy, or so happy, or so full of love for me, and you! He wants to take care of you already. He makes sure I get healthy food to eat and plenty of rest, and he is concerned that I don't breathe in anything that might hurt you. He took the time to change the air filters on my car. In the mornings, he gets dressed quietly, goes to the kitchen and makes my lunch so that I can sleep in just a little longer. He does the dishes, runs errands, or folds the laundry for me when I'm feeling too sick, and all the while has a smile on his face. Sometimes, I'm uncomfortable and can't sleep, and he wakes up and rubs my back and tells me stories in a soft voice. I'm sure he'll do the same for you one day. He tells the best stories. At night, when we lay down in bed, he puts a strong, warm hand on my tummy and talks to you. He wants you to know his voice. Sometimes he sings silly songs and makes me laugh, and my tummy moves and I imagine you moving inside, though I can't feel it yet.

We are already making plans for your room. I hope you like it. There's a window where the bright morning sunshine will filter in. We'll have a crib where you can rest and dream of angels, a comfy chair for us to use while we rock and nurse and sing lullabies. We'll have a place to keep your tiny clothes and tiny diapers, and a soft cushy rug where you can roll and wiggle your little arms and legs. We'll have books to read together and blankets for snuggling when you are cold, or tired, or afraid. I hope to keep you from those things as much as I can. This world can be scary, and you are so brave to be born. Thank you, little one, for having courage. I know you are strong already. You are our miracle.

Love always,
your mama.