Dearest Everett,
The early days at home with you were the hardest, most wonderful weeks of my life. My body hurt all over, but my heart was so full. There were so many sweet moments in our home, made holy by your innocence. You were the most precious package from heaven, just unwrapped. I felt such great privilege to welcome you into our family. The immense gratitude we felt at your presence carried us through the sleep deprivation and pain. It's so difficult to put into words the dizzy feeling of those first days with you.
Your daddy helped me around the clock. He was immediately protective of you, and worried over the both of us constantly. I was so grateful for the help of visitors and friends, including Gramma Krissy, Natalie and her boys. Especially your Grammy Leslie, who stayed with us for many weeks. We spent many hours on the couch nursing. Most times we were just a big milky mess, you and me! Our living room has big windows and you loved to look at the light, or maybe at the trees or the sky, or just the sunshine coming through the curtains.
There were so many firsts in those days. Your first time sleeping in a bassinet, or a swing (instead of our arms). Your first time getting a sponge bath in your room. Your first time meeting our dog, Colby. Your first walk in the stroller, and being carried in a sling. You even got a surprise visit from your Aunt Natalie and your cousins from Georgia! Little Joshua liked to sing to you whenever you would fuss or cry.
We just thought you were the cutest baby we had ever seen. We were excited to do things with you that we had done while you were in the womb, like reading you books and singing you lullabies. (Your daddy read you "Goodnight Moon" at 2am to try to calm you down when you were about 3 days old. And I would sing you special songs that I sang while I was pregnant- like "Till there was you" by Meredith Willson, or primary songs.) You loved when I would stroke your eyebrow with my fingertip; you'd close your eyes and drift away with your lips in a little 'o' shape and your hand wrapped around my finger.
You loved to be swaddled tight, but you'd kick out of blankets, so we had to get specials sacks with velcro. You looked like a baby burrito all the time. You slept in a little bassinet by the side of my bed. You'd awake to nurse with sweet little 'uh uh' grunting sounds. I was amazed at how eager I was to see you after only a couple of short hours of blessed sleep. I longed to look at you, and reassure myself that this was real.
I adored your little body that was so new and so pure. I didn't want anything scratchy to touch your velvety smooth skin. I was not ready for you to experience anything horrible about the world! We were careful to wash all of your clothing and blankets, and moved you ever so gently while changing your clothes. I would sing you silly songs like "baby beluga" and "the hokey pokey".
I remember one night, your daddy held you in the rocking chair and you slept for four hours. That was a very long stretch of sleep for me. I remember waking up hearing him come in the room, and I was surprised and amazed as I remembered that I had a baby! Our baby was here! What a beautiful surprise! It was a silly little moment, but my heart rose up and swelled in my chest as I took your fragile little body in my arms and nuzzled your neck softly.
At the hospital, a photographer came and took some photos of you. When we got the digital images that first week at home, they were in a slideshow with a beautiful song- Amy Stroup's "Just You". And I sat on the couch and watched that video several times and just sobbed. I was overwhelmed with emotion and so very humbled by your beautiful spirit.
Your first outing was to the pediatrician's office. You were so calm and so brave. Your doctor was gentle but efficient and checked you over with the skill of practiced hands. Everyone commented on your big, alert eyes and your sweet disposition.
When you were 3 weeks old, Grammy and I went out to lunch with some friends. I was so nervous about taking you anywhere. I worried that you would cry (you screamed in your carseat the whole way there) or be too cold ( held you wrapped in a blanket and ate one-handed) or that I wouldn't know how to nurse you in public (you slept through the whole affair and didn't eat until we got home). After that, I learned to take you everywhere, usually in a sling or wrap, like a snuggly little baby ball. People would see your tiny head and smile or ask how old you were. I was such a proud mama.
The first time I fed you away from home, we were at one of my favorite restaurants. I felt too uncoordinated to nurse you there, so your Aunt Natalie came with me out to the car to keep me company and be an extra set of hands, which I so appreciated. When you started stirring, I had only just started on my big salad. It looked so delicious! Even in that moment, I remember feeling amazed at the instantaneous change. So this is it, huh? It was as if a switch inside of me was flipped. Any desire I had to sit there and eat that beautiful meal was replaced by what I can only guess is described as intense 'motherly love'. I easily and naturally dropped everything and made sure your needs were cared for. It was such a simple thing, skipping out on a salad. Compared to the sacrifices it took to get you here, and the physical struggle and exhaustion of nourishing you up until that point, this was nothing. I don't know why my heart chose that instant to recognize it. Yet I felt the impact of the choice- like I knew that I would leap tall buildings in a single bound for you.
The early days at home with you were the hardest, most wonderful weeks of my life. My body hurt all over, but my heart was so full. There were so many sweet moments in our home, made holy by your innocence. You were the most precious package from heaven, just unwrapped. I felt such great privilege to welcome you into our family. The immense gratitude we felt at your presence carried us through the sleep deprivation and pain. It's so difficult to put into words the dizzy feeling of those first days with you.
Your daddy helped me around the clock. He was immediately protective of you, and worried over the both of us constantly. I was so grateful for the help of visitors and friends, including Gramma Krissy, Natalie and her boys. Especially your Grammy Leslie, who stayed with us for many weeks. We spent many hours on the couch nursing. Most times we were just a big milky mess, you and me! Our living room has big windows and you loved to look at the light, or maybe at the trees or the sky, or just the sunshine coming through the curtains.
There were so many firsts in those days. Your first time sleeping in a bassinet, or a swing (instead of our arms). Your first time getting a sponge bath in your room. Your first time meeting our dog, Colby. Your first walk in the stroller, and being carried in a sling. You even got a surprise visit from your Aunt Natalie and your cousins from Georgia! Little Joshua liked to sing to you whenever you would fuss or cry.
We just thought you were the cutest baby we had ever seen. We were excited to do things with you that we had done while you were in the womb, like reading you books and singing you lullabies. (Your daddy read you "Goodnight Moon" at 2am to try to calm you down when you were about 3 days old. And I would sing you special songs that I sang while I was pregnant- like "Till there was you" by Meredith Willson, or primary songs.) You loved when I would stroke your eyebrow with my fingertip; you'd close your eyes and drift away with your lips in a little 'o' shape and your hand wrapped around my finger.
You loved to be swaddled tight, but you'd kick out of blankets, so we had to get specials sacks with velcro. You looked like a baby burrito all the time. You slept in a little bassinet by the side of my bed. You'd awake to nurse with sweet little 'uh uh' grunting sounds. I was amazed at how eager I was to see you after only a couple of short hours of blessed sleep. I longed to look at you, and reassure myself that this was real.
I adored your little body that was so new and so pure. I didn't want anything scratchy to touch your velvety smooth skin. I was not ready for you to experience anything horrible about the world! We were careful to wash all of your clothing and blankets, and moved you ever so gently while changing your clothes. I would sing you silly songs like "baby beluga" and "the hokey pokey".
I remember one night, your daddy held you in the rocking chair and you slept for four hours. That was a very long stretch of sleep for me. I remember waking up hearing him come in the room, and I was surprised and amazed as I remembered that I had a baby! Our baby was here! What a beautiful surprise! It was a silly little moment, but my heart rose up and swelled in my chest as I took your fragile little body in my arms and nuzzled your neck softly.
At the hospital, a photographer came and took some photos of you. When we got the digital images that first week at home, they were in a slideshow with a beautiful song- Amy Stroup's "Just You". And I sat on the couch and watched that video several times and just sobbed. I was overwhelmed with emotion and so very humbled by your beautiful spirit.
Your first outing was to the pediatrician's office. You were so calm and so brave. Your doctor was gentle but efficient and checked you over with the skill of practiced hands. Everyone commented on your big, alert eyes and your sweet disposition.
When you were 3 weeks old, Grammy and I went out to lunch with some friends. I was so nervous about taking you anywhere. I worried that you would cry (you screamed in your carseat the whole way there) or be too cold ( held you wrapped in a blanket and ate one-handed) or that I wouldn't know how to nurse you in public (you slept through the whole affair and didn't eat until we got home). After that, I learned to take you everywhere, usually in a sling or wrap, like a snuggly little baby ball. People would see your tiny head and smile or ask how old you were. I was such a proud mama.
The first time I fed you away from home, we were at one of my favorite restaurants. I felt too uncoordinated to nurse you there, so your Aunt Natalie came with me out to the car to keep me company and be an extra set of hands, which I so appreciated. When you started stirring, I had only just started on my big salad. It looked so delicious! Even in that moment, I remember feeling amazed at the instantaneous change. So this is it, huh? It was as if a switch inside of me was flipped. Any desire I had to sit there and eat that beautiful meal was replaced by what I can only guess is described as intense 'motherly love'. I easily and naturally dropped everything and made sure your needs were cared for. It was such a simple thing, skipping out on a salad. Compared to the sacrifices it took to get you here, and the physical struggle and exhaustion of nourishing you up until that point, this was nothing. I don't know why my heart chose that instant to recognize it. Yet I felt the impact of the choice- like I knew that I would leap tall buildings in a single bound for you.
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-xo
love always, your mama.
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