im sick. (pretty sure its the swine flu). gradschool is testing us...physically, financially, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, maritally (is that a word?)
i just cant do it.
i cant wake up early and go to bed late, never see jonny, work 8 hour shifts on my feet, defend my faith, drive to rantoul, worry about attending class and clinic and make data logs and flashcards and read research articles and write essays and lab write-ups and lesson plans, buy therapy materials and go to enrichment and be a member missionary and do my visit teaching and attend mutual and plan YW in excellence and babysit the neighbors and bake cookies for the people next door and write missionary letters and keep our house clean and do the laundry and go to the bank and buy groceries and stress over student loans and keep up the budget and do the dishes and plan trips and schedule group meetings and coordinate carpools and look for campus jobs, make time to exercise and design t-shirts and research summer classes and pay parking tickets and keep track of quarters and memorize bus schedules, read the scriptures twice a day, miss my family, write in my journal and think about life and be an adult, study for the basic skills exam, support my husband and save money for the co-op and calculate tithing and make new playlists and read my textbooks and figure out what the heck im doing with my life...
its 8:48 on thursday morning and i am going to bed.
i hope i wake up with new resolve.
3 comments:
oh mary. i miss you and love you. i've been feeling the same way lately (although you have way more stress in grad school i'm sure) and have been really close to throwing in the towel. everyone keeps saying, "you can do it!" and I want to yell at them and tell them to leave me alone. so i won't be all inspirational right now...i'll just say that i love ya tons and in some small degree know what you're going through. feel better soon!
You're right Mary. You can't. And the good news is you don't have to. Try to focus on the basics and the "must do" ... I saw a lot of really nice, "want to do" items on your list. I am worried about you...your health comes first. Simplify. Relax. It's okay to say no. There are only 24 hours in a day. I love you.
Mary, I felt overwhelmed reading about all of the things you are doing. To everything there is a season, a time, and a place. Focus on what has to be done. Our thoughts and prayers are with you!
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