Dearest Everett,
When you were about a month old, we had your blessing day at church. You are so loved! So many family members came from miles around to be there for your special event. Papa flew all the way from Kuwait, and your uncle Jeffrey rode a bus all night long and got to the church just in time. Your cousin Anna came, even though it was her birthday and we were celebrating you!
You wore a special blue knit outfit- the very same one your daddy wore for HIS blessing day 30 years ago! I only hope you can grow into a man like he is: Strong and kind and steadfast. What a blessing to have a father and grandfathers who are worthy Priesthood holders and examples of Christlike love.
The night before, I picked out a pretty dress to wear. I even tried it on to make sure it still fit. It wasn't until we were about to leave the next morning that I realized I couldn't wear a dress- it would be impossible to breastfeed you at church! I made a quick change as I thought about how much I had to learn as a new mama. Everyone was in the chapel, Jenny went with us into the mother's lounge- it was my first time nursing you there. I held you in a crocheted white blanket and you were quiet and happy the whole time. Your daddy gave you a beautiful blessing, and your aunts wrote down some of the words he spoke. Since it was a fast & testimony meeting, I shared my testimony to the congregation about families and of our Heavenly Father's plan of happiness. You are so lucky to have been born into two faithful families. It was a joyous day. We took walks in the park, ate delicious food, talked and laughed together and took naps. We even visited Table Rock lookout and watched the sunset over Boise. You were born in a beautiful place!
It was so wonderful to have my sisters there. I appreciate their wisdom and love more than I can describe. Heidi gave you a bath and you wiggled and kicked the whole time. Loretta took a turn rocking you to sleep in the nursery, and taught me a trick for your diaper changes. Gina showed Anna how to hold you, and then you both fell asleep on the couch. Everyone wanted to take turns holding you. They were so excited to meet you for the first time! You- the baby that was in their prayers for many months.
Gramma Krissy and Grandpa Terry
Grandma Betty and Grandpa Jimmy
Jeffrey, Emilee
Grammy Leslie and Papa Bob
Loretta, Gina, Anna, Heidi, Jenny
That weekend you tried a binky and a bottle for the first time. You took both easily.
After the rush was over, your daddy went back to work and all the visitors had left, the house echoed with quiet. I felt lonely and overwhelmed and amazed that someone had decided I was capable of taking care of you all by myself! You loved sleeping in my arms best. The first few days were difficult, but eventually we figured things out. Initially I was wondering how I'd ever be able to even use the restroom and thought about holding it in all day long.
I immediately gained new respect for all mothers, and in particular their necessary ability to improvise and adapt. Mostly we napped and I held you, and read books or watched TV. Over time I started to heal, and we would take short walks around the neighborhood and venture out on some of those sunny early summer days.
I cherished the pace of those days. Such a slow drawl. You were my only priority, and it was perfect. You had my undivided love and attention. Jonny would come home and ask what I had done with the day, and I was happy to announce that I had kept us both alive! He was pleased with that response, and that pleased me.
Before you were born, I used to get an uneasy feeling every Sunday night, knowing that the work week was starting the next morning. One night during your second month, I was preparing for bed and realized with a huge grin that I was doing my dream job. Though I was on the clock 24/7, the anticipation of spending the day with you was wonderful.
At some point, a friend mentioned in passing how there had come a time for her when she realized that she had spent a month figuring out how to care for her baby, and then all of a sudden she had to take care of everything else too. And it was like a sudden rush of wind in my face. I knew we were at that turning point.
I began to slowly ease out of my cocoon. I felt triumphant if I 'accomplished' one or two things during the day in addition to meeting your needs and feeding myself. (taking a shower definitely counted). I stood in wonder and awe at my friends with 4-5 children who were bringing ME dinner!
Every night, your daddy would come home from work, give me a smooch, and reach for you. He couldn't wait to see you, and hold you on the couch and sing you silly songs. One night after your bath, he was holding you in the hallway and you spit up AND peed all over. We just stood there laughing for a while before cleaning everything up.
The spit up- Oh! The spit up. It was all over everything all the time! We went through so many burp cloths each day. You and I finally got the knack of breastfeeding, and it became one of my favorite bonding times with you. Your baby acne cleared up and your hair grew back right about the time you started giving us lots of eye contact, smiling, and giggling. Your first laughs were so precious. We were so proud of ourselves when we could coax one out of you. You laughed at your daddy most. You practiced tummy time and loved to lie on your back on the 'whale' playmat that Grammy Leslie got you for Easter.
Around your six week mark we decided to move you into your own room in the crib. You and I would often take a nap together on our big bed in the afternoons. Sleeeeeeep. I slept on the floor, on the couch, in the rocking chair, even sitting straight up on the toilet. Sleep was on my mind around the clock. And not just because I was perpetually tired. I was worried about your sleep schedule. I asked other mothers, I asked your doctor, I read 3 or 4 books cover to cover and tried to figure out what to do. I waffled back and forth between theories, hope and guilt.
One thing I never felt that whole time was confidence. And it became apparent to me that this would be the pattern for the rest of your life. Your daddy and I love you so much, and we want to do what's best for you. I know that we are going to make mistakes. We are going to be inconsistent. We are going to be unsure. We might even hurt you unintentionally.
But we are also going to ask for your forgiveness when we do wrong. We will do everything we can to make good parenting choices. We are going to love you fiercely. And mostly- we are going to pray. Because you have a Father in Heaven who loves you infinitely, completely, unconditionally. He has known you for eternity. And He will help us.
Love, your Mama.
xoxo
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